Leaving Behind

This is the second time I leave this place; the second time I leave everything behind.

It's the attachment that make leaving and separation such a painful one. I don't know when was the time I started to grow attachment to this place called Subang Jaya, a place I hated quite a lot when I was first here; walk a lot, jam a lot, wait a lot, homesick a lot. Once again, I never knew I would love this place so much.

The last time I left here, I left with a knowledge that I would come back here in one week's time. Yet, I still cried for leaving here, my housemates, my friends, my theatre groupmates, my Casa Subang bed. It's because I know, once I left here, everything would no longer be the same when I come back the next time. Maybe we are all afraid of changes, because they make us feel as if we are strangers in our own homes. Maybe Heraclitus was right that no one can step into the same river twice, because everything flows.

And in 5 hours' time, I am going to leave this town again, without knowing for sure when I will be coming back again. Miss Koh was right, coming back to this town means leaving this town, and leaving everything behind when it's time for you to leave. And like she does, I could not bear leaving everything I am familiar with behind. Hugging my friends before I leave makes leaving unbearable, because I am not sure when is the next time I can hug them the same way I do now.

Move on, I told myself repeatedly. Close this chapter of your life and move on to the other. Go on writing the next page of your life with colors of rainbow. Move on, my dear.